Lamentations 3:20-23I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.10 years ago today, with Robert Warren off to work, a very pregnant Amanda crawled back into bed and turned on the news. I was watching Katie and Matt, I was obsessed with the Chandra Levy case. They cut to a breaking story, a plane had just hit tower one. They were interviewing a lady, towers smoking in the background, who was suggesting a problem with air traffic control. I was with her. As she spoke, my eyes locked on the flaming smoking tower, a second airplane came into view and then disappeared into tower two. My heart sank. The interviewee frantically suggested we were under attack. I was with her.God bless those who lost their lives. God bless those they left behind. God bless the heroes who searched and saved. God bless America.I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
My Lucas was born 17 days later.
May 9th, 2011
My mother once said that once you are a mother you never sleep well again,-that no matter how old your children are, they are always on your mind. How true those words are.
Lucas is our only child. I have lost sleep to thought about his life. His past, his present and definitely his future.
Often Lucas has events at school that require sending him with a little money. He’s in the 3rd grade so a few times a year for a few years we send him to school with cash- book fair, fundraisers, that sort of thing. I’ve recently discovered that all this time, and quite often, Lucas will give his money to anyone who asks for it. I am proud of this and happy that he is generous, but I am concerned that maybe we’ve stressed it so much that he could easily be taken advantage of. We’ve taught him to be generous. Did we teach him to be manipulated? We’ve taught him to be patient and passive. Have we taught him to accept bullying? We’ve taught him to pray for others when they are confrontational. Have we taught him not to have a voice?
I know there’s a balance. Now to figure it all out. Lord, give us wisdom. Thank You for this blessing we call Lucas.
April 3rd, 2011.
It’s no secret, I LOVE winter. And I always dread the end of that season. Spring is a gateway to summer, which is the least favorite season for cave-dwellers like myself. However, the beauty outside today can’t be denied. Spring will not let me think the worst of it this day. The breeze is warm and sweet smelling. The daffodils are now showing their happy faces unafraid of being stung by the cold. Our old yellow kitty is lying on the porch enjoying the sun’s warmth instead of begging at the window to come back inside. Lucas is strapping up the roller blades for a trip to the park. Perfection. His creation, His reminder to me to revel in life.
February 20th, 2011
I have never been one to sleep well. I mark night time like I do work- 3 more hours, 2 more hours…20 more minutes. I rarely dream and when I do they are absolute nonsense. I envy my husband who can sleep so deeply and dream vivid epic dreams. This afternoon I fell asleep on the couch. I dreamed I was crawling down our hallway. Lovely. I plan and schedule sleep simply so I can function. I do not enjoy it like Robert does. It is probably part of why I am so disturbed by how much he can sleep- at times 24 hours straight. Not even a bathroom break. Jealous? Maybe.