It’s no secret that my hubs and I dig each other. Sometimes we can be annoying. Sometimes we’re inspiring. 

Robert and I have been married almost 18 years. We have been together almost 20.  And our tendency to be “handsy” with one another, our playful banter, and general flirting with one another in public prompts us to get asked all the time, ” How do you keep the romance alive?”.

And the answer is simple: you choose to make it that way.

Too many times we get overwhelmed by life- kids, mortgages, little league games, deadlines at work, and so on.  In the hustle and bustle of the everyday, romance isn’t high on the priority list. 

And that’s a dangerous games to play. 

So how do we get it back if the fire has gone out?

When romance has fallen out of your marriage, you have to go back to the basics. The stuff that was natural when you were still dating: hand holding, kissing, TALKING to each other without interruption. I know it sounds easy, but when you’ve been married 5, 10, 20 years- it can be a little awkward to pick up doing some of this stuff when you haven’t been doing it all along.

Our marriage is by no means perfect. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. We fight. We get tired of looking at each other. We go to bed angry. 

All normal, I promise. 

It’s what happens after that makes or breaks relationships.

The following is what works for us. You can adopt all of these, some of these, or create you own- but I encourage you to action whatever you choose.

Here we go:

1. Flirt with each other.

I can’t emphasize the power in having my husband flirt with me- either in the privacy of our own home or in public.  It makes me feel desired. It tells me that he still finds me attractive. That’s amazing, especially after 20 years.  And this goes both ways. I make it a point to flirt with him, too. 

2. Talk to one another.

This is a racy quote. But I love it. ❤️ Because its true.

Deep, meaningful conversation is incredible. And I’m not talking about serious conversation about the kids, or the bills. I mean talking about hopes, dreams, and yourselves.  I love him. I need him to know that I love him. I need to know he loves me. It’s not enough for us to kiss and say, “I love you” when we part ways. We need to invest in each other through these conversations.  

Spill it.
3. NEVER stop dating each other.

Dating, for married couples (especially those with children) is SO important.

We have to make time to just be a couple.  Dating prompts flirting and conversation. It also relieves the stresses of everyday life.

Dating doesn’t have to be costly or take up lots of time. The most important thing is that you do it. 

Pricey:  dinner and a movie, the theater or ballet, shopping, weekends away.

Not-pricey: the park, an art museum, feeding the ducks at the lake, a picnic, bowling (a favorite!)

Your only limited by your imagination. Make yourself do it. For real 😉

4. Choose it

Life is a series of choices. We chose to date, we chose to marry, and we have consistently chosen to stay together. 

We also have to choose to have a happy relationship. All of the other stuff means nothing if we don’t first make this choice. 

Choose each other. Everyday.

Choose to be happy. Everyday.

The alternative stinks.

4. Be friends

Don’t let your friendship die. Laugh together. When you talk about your “best friend” you should be talking about your spouse. And you should mean it. If you don’t, let me know. We’ll have a talk 😜 

5. Keep Jesus in the mix

We are blessed with marriage. We owe it to God to do our best to keep His gift to us healthy.

Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, …”

Love and blessings to you all.

If you have questions or comments, do not hesitate.

-Amanda